Thursday, 18 August 2011

10 things not to say to a parent

Ten things not to say to the parent of a learning disabled child

1) Why is she doing that?
2) Can’t you stop her doing that?
3) How do you stand her doing that?
4) You are very brave I wouldn’t be able to cope with her doing that?
5) Wow you look tired.
6) I understand exactly how you feel.
7) Yes well mine say “retard, mong, spaz and window licker” all the time you need to stop being so sensitive.
8) We’re all off for an activity that your child will find impossible and stressful are you all coming? Why not?
9) You have no idea how stressful my life is.
10) You don’t really make things any easier for yourself do you?

Ten things not to say to the parent of a disabled child

1) Well I’m sorry but they are disruptive in the classroom/theatre/cinema and we have to think of everyone else.
2) We didn’t think your child liked parties/sleepovers.
3) Oh isn’t that adorable they are so “special”.
4) Wow you look tired.
5) I understand exactly how you feel.
6) Oh they go to normal school?
7) Well your child needs to stop being so sensitive there is no bullying in this school.
8) I’m sorry your child simply does not meet our eligibility criteria.
9) I’m sorry but we simply don’t have adequate staffing levels for your child to be included in that activity.
10)You really don’t make things any easier for yourself do you?

Ten things not to say to the parent of a child with autism

1) So really its like dyslexia?
2) So what is their special talent?
3) No they’re not disabled where is the wheelchair?
4) Isn’t Rainman a wonderful film.
5) Oh all children do that you’re just being paranoid.
6) What that child needs is a damn good slap and better discipline at home.
7) Wow you look tired.
8) They didn’t have Autism in my day.
9) Do you think it was that MMR jab?
10) You really don’t make things any easier for yourself do you?


  1. Ten things that really help
    1) Not staring
    2) Not judging
    3) Imaging yourself in the same situation.
    4) Making regular contact with friends who have disabled children at a time convenient to THEM.
    5) Not allowing your child to use disablist terms no matter how casually.
    6) Dealing with bullying by your child immediately and forcefully.
    7) stand by a parent who feels their child is being excluded by believing them and supporting them.
    8) Invite disabled children to your child's party, find out what they need and do it.
    9) Make sure all group activities with all friends are as inclusive as possible. Can't participate isn't the same as doesn't want to participate. Loneliness is the worst part of our life.
    10) view all disabled people and carers as just that, people. Not "saints" we need adaptations not judgements.

    All love to Paul Clarke. Nik x

  2. My brother (who has Down's) was constantly being invited to birthday parties. He seemed to be the most popular boy in class! (he went to mainstream school). It was nice, but it's a shame really that I found it surprising!

  3. Great as usual.

  4. This is a bloody fantastic blog post. I've just been pointed in your direction by twitter friend mrs border reiver. I have a daughter with autism, she's 11, and I can honestly confirm I have had all the comments made to me that you point out in the 3rd list, some by own family. I have learned to be as ignorant as others are but I still feel like slapping them. And those who say Amy is like all kids, they all go through that, etc, have, quite obviously, never had contact with a child with autism, special needs or with a disability as a whole.

    Some people are so ignorant, they beggar belief.

    I've added this post to my Blog Promotions page, hope that's ok.
    CJ xx

    I've added this post

  5. Lovely comments thank you all so much. Nik xx