Sunday, 27 November 2011


Yesterday afternoon I got a phonecall, saying that mum was having difficulty breathing. She’s been in end stage Alzheimers for a year now.

We got there and mum was unconscious. She was making a terrible rasping rattle as she breathed and her tiny little body was struggling with the attempt.

The nurses from her home were waiting for the out of hours doctor to arrive and I’m embarrassed to say that I panicked.

I spoke to the doctor ,shouted is probably a better description and told him the situation and he sent an ambulance. 

I hadn’t thought, I hadn’t stopped to remember the DNR. She’s our mum.

The ambulance arrived and the team took all of mum’s stats. In their opinion she had about two hours and as she is DNR they suggested that we respect her wishes and let her go.

The two hours passed. 

She rallied a little, her breathing quieter, less terrifying. Blood began pouring from her mouth at one point, which had me running to find a nurse, but apparently she had bitten her tongue as they think she had a seizure.

She’s peaceful. She’s warm. She’s safe. No one can tell us what’s going to happen. 

No one knows.

One of the worst moments arrived without warning yesterday and no one can tell us if it’s still standing beside her or has moved on for now.

There is nothing to do but wait.


  1. I've just been through this with my Dad and cancer. Wishing you all the strength that you will need to get through the next while ((hugs))

  2. My father sadly passed away last year due to a long fight with cancer, it is so hard to see the ones you love so much, more than anything, coming to the end of their lives. My thoughts and love are with you and your family.

    'Death leaves a heatache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal'

    God bless, Alex Duggan xxx

  3. I lost my mum five years ago this week to pancreatic cancer. My sister called me to say she had had a stroke but by the time I had got there, after a four hour drive, she had died. Sending you very best thoughts and wishes at this difficult time.

  4. I hate to say something trite like "be strong" because you've been strong for so long. I am sending you positive vibes and love from across the pond.